Chasing Dreams (Reposted)
by WesternFan47
Summary: Sorry, had problems and had to repost...a what if off "The Run of the Cat"
1. Chapter 1

Sorry, had problems, I had to re-post.

Chapter One

Heath hurried to get to the front door open and step inside. The wind was howling and the rain was beginning to fall. Once inside, he shut the door and stepped into the living room. The sight that met his eyes saddened him as it always did. Nick sat in a chair facing the window, not moving or saying a word. Heath crossed_ the_ floor and, laying his hand upon his brother's shoulder, did his best to smile. "I've got all the horses inside the stable and made sure everything is shut up tight." Again he wasn't surprised when Nick showed no reaction. How long was this going to go on? How long before Nick came out of the fog he seemed to be in?

He might have said more only Jarrod walked in and, seeing Heath with his hand on Nick's shoulder, sighed. "Have a good day?" He asked Heath as he poured himself a drink.

"As good as could be expected," Heath replied without turning his head, and then asked quietly, "It's been three weeks since the cougar attacked him. How long do you think it will before Nick snaps out of this? I mean, Dr. Merar said it was only shock, and that he'd be up and about in two or three days."

Jarrod, who had walked around to the other side of Nick, looked down at the famous rancher who continued to stare straight ahead, unless his eyes were darting from side to side as if he were watching something. Jarrod, who guessed it was the cougar his brother "watched"… as he'd jerk slightly ever once in awhile… sighed. "When the doctor said that I feared he might be wrong only I hoped he wasn't. The thing is, this isn't the first time Nick's sustained injuries from a cougar attack."

Heath's eyes widened. Nick had never told him about another cougar attack, and he told Heath everything! "What are you talking about?" He asked, the hurt he felt could be heard in his voice.

"He doesn't talk about the attacks to anyone. He used to, to Father, and me only now he doesn't even me about them." Jarrod gave Heath a sympathetic smile. "Can you stand there and tell me that you've told Nick every single thing that's happened to you?"

Heath went to reply only to shut his mouth and shake his head. "Maybe ninety-five percent, but not all." _I was going to tell him the rest of my secrets before the attack… _itwas a statement Heath kept to himself.

Jarrod continued talking. "He has suffered injuries from a cat attack two other times, once when he was fourteen. Father was with him that time and saved his life. The second time was shortly after he came home from the war. He came out of the shock the first time within a couple of hours, though he did have nightmares here and there." Jarrod sighed and shook his head, "The attack after the war, it took him a solid forty-eight hours to snap out of."

"How come mother and Audra's never mentioned it? The one she and Audra act, this is the first time Nick's ever been attacked." Heath asked confused.

Jarrod sighed, "To be honest, mother and our other siblings were away when it happened the first time. Since he snapped out of it and was fine by the time mother and the others came back, we agreed to keep the attack quiet as Nick had begged father to do. He didn't want to upset mother and, to be honest, neither did father or I. Though, I admit, I don't know how father and he kept the wounds that were healing from mother." Jarrod paused and then shrugged his shoulders, "The second time mother and Audra were once again away… Nick swore, msyself, Eugene, Dr. Merar and the ranch hands to secrecy; Father had already been killed. Nick didn't want the women to worry. So, right or wrong, mother and Audra never learned of that attack either."

Heath was horrified to learn that Nick had gone through previous cat attacks. "It's been three weeks, Jarrod." Heath took his eyes of Nick and looked at his oldest brother. "How long can it last?"

Jarrod sighed as he moved his hands in front of Nick's eyes, not surprised when he got no response what so ever. "I have no idea, Heath, but no matter what Dr. Merar said, Nick stays here with us." The good doctor had meant well when he pulled Jarrod aside and suggested that, if Nick didn't snap out it, they might want to consider having him committed to a hospital. Jarrod knew what that meant, and that wasn't going to happen to Nick.

No one had to tell Heath that. Hadn't the vote to keep Nick with them been unanimous? Still, Heath started thinking of various things that he hoped might be of some help to his hot tempered brother. As he did so, he realized that, whether or not he liked it, he'd have to confer with Dr. Merar. The moment he realized that Heath swore to make sure the good doctor accepted one thing…sending Nick away was not an option.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"I don't see where anything you can do will harm him." Dr. Merer was sitting behind looking at Heath, who sat in the chair that always sat in front of the good man's desk. "I just don't see where it will help either." Then, due to the fact that Heath had very bluntly told the doctor that he knew of the other attacks, Dr. Merar added, "Since he snapped out of the other attacks within a reasonable time, I assumed he would again. However, everyone has their limit and, for whatever reason, it seems Nick might very well have reached his." He the leaned forward and, resting his arms on his desk asked as gently as he knew how, "I know you and your family still hold onto the hope that he'll start acting normal again; I know that's why sending him away is not an option. Only what if…" he never finished his sentence as Heath practically jumped to his feet.

"We already answered that what if question, doc." Heath's tone of voice was even and held a warning tone in it, one that Howard heard loud and clear. "No matter what happens, Nick does not leave the ranch. Now, if you'll excuse me. It's time for me to leave." Thus saying, he turned and walked out the door, leaving Dr. Merar praying for him and the rest of the Barkleys.

As Heath walked down the sidewalk, he heard the whispers of the town gossips only he ignored them and continued walking. He might not know when, or if, Nick would snap out only he knew one thing for sure… it would never happen if they listened to the doctor and sent him away. Only when he nearly bumped into Fred, did Heath stop. "Sorry, Fred, guess I wasn't paying as close attention as I thought I was."

Fred, who felt horrible for Nick and the family, nodded, "Don't worry 'bout. How's Nick?" He asked hoping that there had been some signs of improvement, any improvement.

Heath shook his head and answered quietly, "Nothing new since you were out last time."

"Sorry to hear that," Fred gave him a sympathetic smile. "I guess we should be glad that Tanner fellow found the cat and killed it. At least you won't have the additional worry of wondering if it will attack again."

Heath stiffened as he ran Fred's words over in his mind. His reaction naturally caught Fred's attention. He might have asked about it only Heath didn't give him a chance. "I_have_ to go Fred; I_need_ to get back to the ranch." He had no more than finished his sentence and he was gone. Fred watched as Heath ran down the sidewalk toward the stable. Whatever made him move like that, Fred hoped it wasn't bad.

It didn't take Heath long to get to the livery stable, saddle Charger and leave Stockton. He was sure any person he happen to pass by as he pushed Charger as fast as he dared must wonder what was up. Of course, he didn't really care if that was the case or not, Fred's statement about the cat made his actions necessary.

"Ceigo!" Heath yelled as he reached the ranch and barreled through the open gate.

Their long time help, who was standing near the corral, turned around and found Heath off his horse and handing him the Charger's reins. "Would you please take care of Charger for me?"

Ciego's eyes widened. Heath never let anyone take care of Charger but himself. "Yes, sir," Ciego took the reins, his eyes asking Heath what on earth was wrong.

"Later," Heath said as he read the question in the man's eyes. He then took off running for house.

Victoria, who was sitting in the living room reading a book, jumped as Heath entered the home and ran into the living room, leaving the front door wide open. "Where's the fire?" She asked only to grow even more than concerned as Heath knelt in front of Nick. "What's going on, Heath? You're scaring me." Victoria put down the book, stood up and crossed the floor to join Heath, who was watching Nick's eyes dart back and forth.

"Nick," Heath glanced at Victoria with an apologetic look and then back at his brother, "has anyone ever told him that Jarrod hired the professional hunter? Has anyone ever told him that Tanner got the cat?"

Victoria started to answer only to have her hands fly up to her mouth. With the danger from the cat out of the way, along with the fact that she'd been too furious when Jarrod and Heath let it slip there had been other attacks in the past, she had never thought too…she hadn't thought too and she highly doubted anyone else had either. "I don't think so."

"Nick," Heath spoke again as he laid his hands on the sides of Nick's arms; he could feel the tension in his brother's body as he did so. It made him hurt even more for his brother. "Nick, listen to me. The cat is dead. Jarrod hired a professional hunter by the last name of Tanner. He went after the cougar and killed him. You don't have to watch out for the cougar." Heath repeated the fact that Tanner had been hired and the cat was dead, and then watched his brother, waiting to see if his words would mean anything to his tormented brother.

Victoria watched as well, hoping and praying with everything she had in her that Heath's words would help her middle son. At first it did not appear as if any of the words had registered with Nick. Then, as Heath began repeating the same words, Nick's eyes stopped darting back and forth, and Heath could feel a portion of the tension leaving his brother's body.

"He heard you." Victoria said almost in a whisper as she looked at Nick, who was now sat staring straight ahead as if he saw nothing.

Heath gave Nick's arms a squeeze and told his mother, without taking his eyes off his brother, "Of course, he did. It's like I said before, I just knew he could still hear us."

While Victoria was thrilled to see Nick looking more relaxed than he had in weeks, the fact that he remained sitting as if in a trance greatly concerned her. Obviously, there was more to it than thinking the cougar was still alive. Then again if it was just that she knew Nick would have snapped out of this state of being he was in a long time ago and gone after the cat himself. Only, as Jarrod had assured her after he'd slipped up, the other cats were also dead… what else was there? As if he could read her mind, Heath looked up at Victoria and sighed. "Let me take him away from here. Maybe up to the line shack, there's more than the cougar attacks going on. McColl could run the ranch for a couple of weeks, and Jarrod could stop in and check on us a few times if you wanted." Whether it was a combination of the three attacks Jarrod had told him about or whether there was more to it than that Heath did not know… only Heath meant to get through to his brother one way or the other.

Victoria didn't like the idea of Nick going anywhere. Still, when all was said and done, she could handle Heath taking him to the line shack a whole lot better than taking Dr. Merar's suggestion. She took a deep breath and asked "When were you thinking to leave?"

"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

"Come on, brother," Jarrod, who had insisted on traveling with Heath and Nick to the line shack where the family had agreed that Heath could watch over the dark haired rancher for awhile, took a hold of Nick's left arm with his left hand as he reached for his brother's other side with his right one. "It's time to get off your horse." Jarrod wasn't surprised when Nick said nothing; still, he was grateful when Nick dismounted his horse.

"I'll tether the horses in the 'barn'." Heath said the word barn with a bit of a sarcastic tone. The place was simplely eight poles with a wall attached to the back and a roof on top. It was more of a place to kept things out of the rain when necessary.

Jarrod wouldn't have argued only Nick was standing in front of the line shack refusing to move. Since he, Jarrod, knew that Heath had a way of getting through to Nick when no one else could he spoke up. "I'll take care of the horses; you get this stubborn brother of ours into the shack."

"All right," Heath handed the reins to Jarrod while he placed his hand on Nick's arm. Right away, he could feel the tension in his brother. Heath frowned. It seemed that the tension was back to a high level. He couldn't figure out why, unless it was because the shack wasn't their home. "It's okay, Nick, you won't be alone. I'm with you and I've got your back." Heath said as he gently gave Nick's arm a tug and headed for the door. Heath was pleased when Nick did not fight him. Soon the two stood inside of the line shack.

Once inside Heath looked around. There was a table and a couple of chairs off to his left; they sat near "kitchen" entrance. The "kitchen" was simply an area that had cupboards and a cook stove, along with a window that sat above a wooden counter. Off to his right was an old sofa and there was a bed that sat against the north wall. Heath sighed as he led Nick to the sofa, turned him around and then, putting his hand on Nick's right shoulder, gently pressed down up the shoulder. "You can sit here, Nick." Heath told his brother.

"Where do you want these supplies?" Jarrod walked into the shack carrying a huge sack of cornmeal with a small bag of coffee buns slung over his left shoulder.

"Over there," Heath answered as he nodded toward 'kitchen's' far left hand corner. Then, once Nick had sat down, Heath laid Nick's hands on his, Nick's, legs. Afterwards, he walked over to Jarrod. "If you're spending the night, we'd best figured out who's take the old sofa and who gets stuck with the floor."

Jarrod fought to keep the frustration and anger that wanted to come up away. He wanted nothing more than to stick close to his dark haired brother only he couldn't. With Gene back in college, someone had to be at the main house for his mother and sister. "I'll sleep on the floor and head back in the morning." He sighed and then said, "I just hope this helps Nick. I don't like him just sitting there not truly aware of his surroundings."

"I know," Heath looked at Nick and then back to Jarrod, "I can't help but wonder where his mind is most of the time." The two then sat down to make up some sort of schedule when it came to someone in the family, or on the ranch, checking on him and Nick. While they did so, Nick, whose mind was currently on the past, was reliving the first attack.

"_There's a cougar in the area; that's what killing the cows." Fourteen year old Nick tried to tell his father, but Tom was convinced it was some new neighbors who had caused him more than one headache._

_ "It's the Hilman's son." Tom answered with conviction. "We'll prove it and then make them pay for the lost…." He quit speaking when he saw yet another dead cow laying not twenty feet away. Before he could say anything Nick jumped off his horse and ran to the cow, determined to find footprints of a cougar._

_ "Another cow that the Hilm…" Tom started to say only to have chills go down his spine as he heard a cougar's cry and watched in horror as the animal attacked his son. _

"Who, there Nick!" Heath, who was sitting at the table with Jarrod trying to decide on a schedule for Jarrod to drop in and check on them, jumped to his feet, ran to the dark haired rancher and took a hold of his brother as he started screaming father at the top of his lungs and started shaking violently, the whole time his eyes remained fixed as if looking upon a scene Heath and Jarrod could not see. "Everything's okay." It was a statement echoed by Jarrod, who had also jumped up from the table and laid his hand on Nick's shoulder. Only when Nick had stopped screaming and shaking did Heath let go of him while Jarrod removed his hand.

"Maybe I should go ahead and send word to mother that I'm staying." Jarrod said as he looked upon his second brother, wishing with all his might he, Jarrod, could fix his brother's sad condition.

"No," Heath sighed after a moment. "Nick and I will be fine," he clasped his hand on Nick's shoulder and gave his brother a gentle squeeze. "You're needed back at the house." He stood up and went back to the table. Jarrod lingered a few moments longer and then joined him.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

The sun shone through the line shack's window and lit upon Nick's face. Slowly the famous rancher opened his eyes. Inwardly he sighed as he looked up at the ceiling and listened to Heath making preparations to cook breakfast while visiting with Jarrod, who was getting ready to leave and return to the main house. For what seemed like the millionth time Nick tried to move on his own only to fail. He silently cursed, especially when Jarrod walked over and, putting his hand on Nick's shoulder, bade him goodbye. Even though Nick could get himself to do nothing more than stare straight up at the ceiling, he could still see the concern in Jarrod's eyes….hard not to when the man had leaned slightly forward and was looking down at him.

"I've got to go home, Nick." Jarrod spoke slowly, the tone in his voice betraying his emotion. "Heath will be stay with you though, and I'll drop in when I can." He would too. There was no way he was just going to ride away and wait for news that things had indeed gotten better.

_"Don't go, Jarrod! Take me back to the house! I don't want to be here!"_ Nick barked only to himself even if he did want to say the words out loud. He couldn't though, his mouth wouldn't move.

"He'll be okay." Heath said spoke up as he finished cooking breakfast and sat it on table.

Jarrod didn't reply at first and then, slowly, nodded his head and removed his hand off Nick's shoulder. "I know you'll watch over him; I just…" his voice trailed off. It didn't matter though; Heath knew what Jarrod had meant to say.

"You just want him back to normal." Heath walked over to the bed and stood on the opposite side. "He'll snap out of it, just wait and see."

Jarrod hoped so. He didn't like the way things were. "I'll be back in a week." Jarrod spoke to Nick and then turned and walked back to the table to eat his breakfast while Heath went through Nick's things to see what their mother had packed. After Jarrod ate (which didn't take that long) he stood up, bade Heath goodbye and then headed for the door.

As he heard the door open and shut, Nick again tried to move, to talk, to do anything only to fail as he heard the line shack door open and close.

"Well, Nick," Heath, who had pulled out Nick's clothes for the day, said as he slid his arm under Nick's shoulders and started lifting him. "Time for you to get up," Heath said as he moved Nick into a sitting position. He would have had to move Nick's legs too only the action of Heath sitting him up made it so Nick automatically swung his own legs over the side of the bed. Heath was glad for that small miracle. It would have been made it even more difficult if Nick refused to move at all.

Once Heath had his brother sitting up, he grabbed the man's white shirt and put the shirt back on the rancher, along with his pants. Nick was cursing silently the whole time Heath was helping him. Why was he, Nick, like this? Up to when Heath had told Jarrod it had been three weeks, Nick hadn't realized that much time had passed. Nick couldn't understand why he was the way he was. He'd always been so independent and done everything that needed to be done, especially for himself. Now here he was having to have others care for him because he could not, for whatever reason, seem to get himself to do anything.

After getting his brother dressed, Heath pulled Nick up to a standing position, coaxing him to move as he did so. Once again, Heath was grateful when Nick responded. After the dark haired rancher was standing, Heath led him to the table and sat him down. "I don't care much for my voice alone." Heath said as he walked over to the cook stove and dished out a plate for his brother. "So, somewhere along the line, you need to find your voice again." He set the plate in front of Nick and put the utensils in Nick's hands. Heath really wished he hadn't felt it necessary to tell Jarrod he needed to head home. Only it had been necessary, and he knew it.

Heath sat down and looked at Nick, who was still sitting with the utensils in his hands. He knew his mother and sister had been feeding Nick at home only the man would have the motivation to do anything for himself if someone was always doing it for him. No, Heath didn't meant to spoon feed unless he, Nick, didn't find the motivation to feed himself within twenty-four hours. Maybe that wasn't the approach to take with his brother only he knew of none other. He said grace out loud and began to eat.

"It's good food." Heath forced himself to speak, though he knew he'd get no answer, "I'd eat something or you'll be a bit more than hungry come lunch time." He then went on to tell Nick they would be working on the fence that surrounded the line shack after breakfast. "Got to do it before it gets too hot," Heath said, even though he knew what he really meant was Nick would sit on crate that Jarrod had place under a tree that stood near the fence while he, Heath, did the physical work. "What do you hope to accomplish?" Jarrod had asked him the night before. "I have no clue except, maybe, Nick will see me working and think he can do it better?" Heath had answered.

By the time Heath had finished his breakfast and stood up, Nick was still sitting with the utensils in his hands and the food on the plate. The part that of Heath that felt sorry for Nick wanted to break his word and feed him right then and there; the other part, the part that wanted to get through 'that wall' said to stick to his original plan. The latter part won. "Well, that's a waste of good food." Heath took the utensils out of Nick's stiff hands and put them up. He then removed the plate and, going to the door, opened the door an went outside. Minutes later, Heath was putting the empty play in the 'sink' and leading Nick outside. That is, after he gave him so water. He might be trying to get Nick to feed himself, but he couldn't let the man get dehydrated. It was going to be a long morning.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

A week had passed since Heath and Jarrod had brought Nick up to the line shack. Now Heath, who had been working on the fence that surrounded the line shack, sat down his hammer and walked over to where Nick was sitting on a crate under the shade of the "barn's" roof. Looking up at the sky, which was starting to darken ever so slightly, he sighed and looked at his brother. "Looks like we just might be getting a bit of rain," Heath put his hand on the back of his brother's shoulder and pushed ever so gently on it. "We'd best get inside and get a bit of lunch. After that, we'll have to see." When Nick didn't move, Heath gave him another gentle nudge. This time Nick stood up and walked with Heath as he headed for the shack's door.

Once inside Heath led Nick to the table and pulled out the chair. Heath couldn't help but grin when Nick sat down on his own. Heath then walked over to the cook stove and started cooking some lunch. He remembered how he'd had to fight off the guilty feeling that had plagued him the first morning. He hadn't liked seeing his brother go without breakfast and lunch only if he, Heath, did everything for him (as his family had been doing) what would motivate Nick to make any progress?

For Nick's part, he'd sat running the morning through his head. A part of him was grateful Heath was attempting him to do something on his own, the other part simply wanted to be taken back to the main house. Then again, he'd have to tell Heath that and he couldn't get himself to do it. He remembered how Heath had sat a plate in front of him and put the utensils in hands and said, "Best eat up." He then went to get his own food.

_"How on earth am I supposed to feed myself when I can't get myself to move?" Nick had bellowed angrily. Of course, the bellowing was not done out loud and he had cursed silently. Only thing was, He had been hungry and, as he watched Heath carry his own food to the table and sat down, it made the hunger gnaw at him even more,_

_Heath, who had been having serious doubts throughout the first day as to the action he'd taken, would have changed his mind and fed Nick before breakfast the next day only he had realized one thing….Nick wasn't simply staring off in space anymore. His eyes were actually following Heath wherever he went. That had told Heath his brother was more with it than_ _people were giving him credit for. "I'd eat up if I were you. I'm not fixing supper until six no matter what the weather is like." Heath had said as he started to eat._

_ Nothing had happened until supper then, even though Nick could still not get himself to say anything, his stomach pushed him just hard enough to make it so he was finally able to get himself to move his hand enough to feed himself…though it was at a much slower pace than he would normally feed himself. "Stubborn brothers," he had muttered in his mind as he succeeded in taking a bit of food._

After setting his brother's plate before him, Heath sat down. He would have started eating only looked out the window and saw Jarrod riding up, along with Dr. Merar. That made him both curious and mad. "Keep eating," Heath said as he stood up, "I'll be back." Since Nick moved as slow as molasses when it came to feeding himself, Heath knew he had time to deal with whatever Dr. Merar wanted.

"Hello, Heath." Jarrod said when he was the door open and Heath step outside. He wasn't surprised when Heath eyed both him and Dr. Merar suspiciously.

"Hello," Heath answered and turned on Dr. Merar. "What do you want?" His voice was cold and unwelcoming.

Jarrod shook his head. He could understand why Heath was so defensive and he knew how protective he was of Nick; still, there was no reason to throw icicles Dr. Merar's way. "He only wants to see his patient, Heath." Jarrod spoke up, hoping to get his brother to relax only to find his words having just the opposite effect.

"His patient?" Heath had to fight down the anger that rose up in him. "He hasn't been the one with Nick for the past week! For that matter, all he wants to do is send him away!"

Jarrod glanced at Dr. Merar, not surprised to see a look of guilt come into the man's eyes. Still, the man had promised not to bring 'that' subject up if he, Jarrod, and the family would only allow him to at least keep tabs on Nick. "He's not here to send him away." Jarrod took a deep breath and told him what Dr. Merar had asked. Before Heath could answer, he and Jarrod were both shocked when Dr. Merar, who was looking towards the kitchen window, let out a small gasp of surprise. That action naturally had both Heath and Jarrod looking at the window too.

"Nick!" Jarrod's eyes widened as he whispered. Nick was standing off to the side of the window looking out. If it weren't for the fact that the man's eyes still held a haunted look in them, Jarrod might have jumped off his horse and ran inside. As it was, he stayed where he was due to the fact that he feared Nick would disappear from the window and he, Jarrod, would find him sitting and staring off into space.

Heath, who was just as shocked to see Nick standing by the window, had to fight down his excitement. "You saw him." Heath turned and looked at Dr. Merar. "We're doing fine." 'He's coming along, and I'm not having you send him backwards' was the message his eyes added to his verbal statement. "And no," Heath said as he turned his attention to Jarrod, "to answer the question I k now you want to ask, he's not speaking yet." He then relaxed his stance and admitted it was the first time Nick had moved from without any outside force.

"I'll find my way back to Stockton." Dr. Merar looked at Heath and Jarrod. He didn't say he thought Jarrod should stay with the two for awhile; he didn't have to. Jarrod was already out of the saddle and standing next to Heath. "Let me know if you need anything."

"We will." Jarrod answered as Heath turned around and walked back towards the shack, and Dr. Merar rode away. He then joined Heath and Nick in the shack.


	6. Chapter 6

*=reference to the episode _"Time after Midnight" _where Jarrod is blinded.

Chapter Six

"It's progress at least." Jarrod, who was sitting at the table with Heath, looked at Nick, who had moved to the sofa and was looking out the window that sat off to his left. Heath had just finished telling Jarrod that Nick was also feeding himself, slow as it might be, along with putting his shirt one. 'I still have to put his pants, socks and boots on' had been Heath's exact words. "What have you been doing that has helped that to happen?"

Heath didn't answer at first, his mind on the past. "You," Heath finally answered. He wasn't surprised by the shocked look that appeared on his eldest brother's face. He had expected such a reaction.

"Me?" Jarrod asked, not attempting to hide his confusion. "If I remember right, I agreed that Nick shouldn't be taken off the ranch, but I never said a thing about separating him from the family."

Heath knew that and couldn't help but give Jarrod a lop-sided grin. "No, but when *Cunningham's actions, or his orders I should say, led you to be blinded no one did for you what you could do for yourself."

Jarrod was still confused. "That's because they all knew, as I did deep inside, that I was blind not an invalid. The way Nick's been? There was nothing to tell us he still had the capability of doing anything for himself."

"No one ever gave him the chance Jarrod." Heath sighed as he leaned back in his chair. "I realized that after we came up here and you left. That's when I decided not to feed him for twenty-four hours. I wanted to see if he'd get hungry enough to do that much on his own." He had been more than elated when it had worked out and didn't hesitate to say so. "When I saw him doing that, I decided I would not put his shirt on him. I mean, we're not at the time of the year where a shirt is mandatory. We still only get an occasional rainstorm."

Jarrod stood up and walked over to where Nick sat. It hurt to see a look of one lost in a fog once again in his brother's eyes. "How often does he still act like he's seeing something else?" Jarrod put his hand on Nick's shoulder and asked after a while.

Heath, who had left the table and joined his brothers, sighed and answered, "Quite a lot, still," he smiled and answered, "at least he is seeing me much of the time too."

Jarrod, frustrated with the situation, turned away and walked over to the cook stove which was still warm from being used. "I just wish I knew if it as simply the cougar attacks that brought this on or what else… if anything… brought this on." He did too. He hated this not knowing for sure.

Heath, who had been thinking about that one all week sat down on the opposite end of the couch, looked at Nick and then back at Jarrod. Maybe he was right, maybe he was wrong, only he was going to tell Jarrod what he thought. "I was with him the third time, your father was with him the first time and you were with him the second."

"What has that got to do with anything?" Jarrod grabbed one of the table chairs, moved it over near the couch, and then sat down.

"Maybe nothing," Heath admitted as he turned his eyes towards Nick and kept them on the dark haired rancher. "But what if, somehow, just the thought that not only had he been attacked by a wild cat yet again, but that one of us might also be attacked, and killed, by a cougar was just too much for him? Might not be the case, only it's the only thing I can come up with." Not that he wasn't trying to think of other possibilities, he was. It's just that no other ideas were presenting themselves to him at the moment.

Jarrod wasn't about to tell Heath he was wrong. How could he? Heath's guess had merit to it, and Jarrod knew it. "You might be right." Jarrod then shocked Heath by telling him he'd cleared his work schedule for a week and was staying with them…even if he meant sleeping on the floor the whole time. "I can't just stay behind and wonder. Besides," he said and chuckled, "Mother practically ordered me to come out when she realized I had only returned for her and Audra's sake. She said she'd been taking care of herself for more years than she cared to admit, and that Audra was no longer a child. I won't feed him or put his shirt on for him."

Heath, who could just see his stepmother giving someone both barrels, gave Jarrod a huge crooked grin. The grin got wider when Heath realized Nick had, for a split second, gotten a normal look in his eyes and looked at Jarrod before turning his eyes towards the window and slipping back into the fog.

Jarrod and Heath continued to talk, both throwing out ideas when it came to what they would do for the next week. By the time night came, Jarrod and Heath had the week planned out, along with the agreement that they would take turns when it came to the sofa and the floor. By ten o'clock Heath had made sure Nick and he, himself, lay on the couch while Jarrod lay on the floor near the bed. Both brothers figured to get a good night sleep and then take Nick out for a ride around the ranch. Only problem was…plans have a habit of changing.

**`~oOo~**

They would never know for sure what woke them up only Jarrod and Heath were both surprised beyond measure when they found themselves sitting straight feeling more than a bit panicked. The feeling of panic was not helped any when they looked at the bed where Nick had been lying only to see it empty.

"Nick!" Both brother's jumped to their feet. Heath immediately surveyed the area around the bed (looking for signs such as Nick's hat and such things) while Jarrod had torn out the front door. He, Jarrod, who had been horrified to see Nick's horse gone, but his saddle still sitting on a nearby crate, when Heath came out of the shack carrying two items that made Jarrod's heart jump even more…Nick's hat and his gun belt. Heath might have had more only Nick had refused to get into his night clothes when he'd laid down the night before, remaining fully clothed instead.

"He'd never leave those if he was in his right mind!" Jarrod exclaimed as he then began looking for any clue to tell them where their brother had gone; Heath did the same. That was not easy to do seeing how dark it was. "We got to find him!" Heath said rather forcefully. The idea of Nick, in the state of mind he was in, wandering around on Coco terrified Heath more than he thought possible.

"The sun will be up within the next half hour." Jarrod said as he began saddling his horse. "I for one am going to be ready to start tracking our deaf brother the first minute the sun shows its first rays of light."

Heath couldn't agree more and began saddling his own horse.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Heath dismounted his horse and knelt upon the ground. After quite a bit of arguing with Jarrod, Heath had started tracking Nick on his own. He might not have succeeded in getting Jarrod to stay at the line shack only his elder brother had to admit Heath had asked a valid question. What would happen if Nick showed back up at the line shack and no one was there?

Heath had picked up Nick's trail easy enough only now, as he knelt and looked at yet another set of tracks left by Coco, he began to realize his brother was going in all sorts of directions. "What world are you livin' in, dear brother?" Heath couldn't help but ask as he stood up, mounted his horse and started the search once more. However, as he looked up at the sky and felt the wind picking up its pace, he wondered if a storm would hit before he had a chance to catch up with his troubled brother.

**]]]]]]]]]]**

Heath, who had continued to track the trail left by Coco, now stood by a boulder looking down at the ground. He could see both hoof prints and prints of boots upon the ground. The prints his brother's boots had left were next to the rock. Since Nick's soles needed fixed, Heath could see the indents made by the problem are of the boots' soles. He shook his head. His brother had to have been riding Coco hard to be able to actually make it to the road that ran along the perimeter of the ranch. As Heath looked closer, he could saw another set of footprints.

Heath followed the prints left by Nick's boots and what looked to be the shoe prints. He didn't like that; it told him that someone else had come across his brother. He started to follow the footprints and was shocked to see both footprints disappear from the road. Only, after he looked closer and realized the prints disappeared near the prints left by wagon wheels...and Coco's hoof prints were in between the wagon wheel prints. Fear for his brother gripped Heath's whole being, and he quickly remounted Charger and started following the trail left by the wheels. He hadn't gone far when his heart sunk as the rain began to fall and he was forced to go off the road and find cover. "The rain will wash away the trail, dear brother," Heath whispered. "I'll still find you though. Once it stops, I'll turn over every rock and look into every corner to find you." Of course, as much as he hated it, Heath knew he'd have to have Jarrod have all the hospitals and alyssums checked first. Though, even as he thought about that, Heath had the strongest feeling it would do no good to check such places.

**[[[[[[[[[[[**

Silver haired Edith Steffensen sat in the back of her and her husband's wagon looking at the stranger dressed all in black who Carl had helped into their wagon before they'd been forced to go off the road by the storm. The past half hour passed before her eyes once more.

Carl Steffensen, a balding fifty year old Danish immigrant and his silver haired wife, Edith, who had sat on the buckboard of their wagon, had pulled their wagon to a stop when they had seen a gentleman dressed all in black sitting on a boulder near the road they were traveling on pulled. He might not have stopped, but the man's horse had been rubbing his nose against the man's back and the stranger had not been moving. "Something is wrong." Carl had handed the reins to his wife and climbed down and told her he was going to see what was wrong. "You stay here" had been his exact words to his wife.

Edith had not liked it, but she had not argued either. She never argued with her husband unless she thought it was absolutely necessary. Though, in this case, she had kept her eye on her husband and the stranger, not sure what to think.

"Sir," Carl had introduced himself and then asked if everything was all right. When he got no answer, he had taken a closer look. He had been shocked to see the state the stranger was in. Looking up at the sky, he dared not leave the man like he was. "I think you best come with me, sir." He had said as he took a hold of Nick's arms and pulled them in an upward motion. Since Nick was in his own world, he had thought it was Heath pulling on his arms, and stood up.

"What is it, papa?" Edith had asked as she saw her husband leading Nick toward he wagon. The look of vagueness upon the stranger's face unsettled her.

Her husband hadn't answered until he had helped Nick up into the back of the wagon. Then he went and got Nick's horse, securing his reins to the tailgate of the wagon. "I don't know._" _Paul had answered as he climbed up onto the wagon and sat down on the buckboard. "But he is acting like Frederick used to. Maybe we should take him to into Stockton and see the doctor there."

Having worked at Napa State, Edith had cringed. She knew what a doctor would do. She'd looked at her husband and begged, "No, papa, a doctor will only lock him away. Let us take him with us for now. I mean, if he's from around here, we can find out easily enough. I mean, we're only going to Modesto. We can ask questions; maybe, find out who he is. If he winds up being from here, we can simply bring him back, yah?"

Paul had shaken his head. His wife had a heart as large as Texas sometimes. "And if he's not from around here? Will you care for him while I work?" He'd asked knowing it was a stupid question considering his late brother in law had been in the same state of mind until the day he'd died and Edith had cared for him as well.

"If I must, papa, if I must." Edith had answered as she looked at Nick with compassion in her eyes. How could she do anything else? She might not know who the man was only he needed help, and good help. She had the time and energy to help him until they found his family. She just hoped they wouldn't find them if they, the family, simply wanted to have him committed. As far as she concerned, as long as the man didn't prove to be dangerous there was no need to do such a thing.

"I do not know who you are, but you might as well have this." Edith smile as she took a hold of Nick's hand and placed an apple in it, not knowing if he would feed himself or not, but figuring it couldn't hurt to give him the fruit either. She was pleased to see the man lift the apple to his mouth and take a bite. At least she would not have to spoon feed him as she had her brother.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

"I checked the Stockton Asylum." Jarrod stood in the living room in front of the fireplace looking at his mother, sister and Eugene. "No one has taken him there. I've sent a telegram to Napa State and I've contacted the Pinkerton Agency."

"And Heath?" Audra asked, the fear she could be seen in her widened eyes and heard in her panicked voice.

Jarrod shrugged his shoulders. "He came back to the line shack long enough to tell me what was going on. He's gone to check the towns that lie in the direction the tracks of the wagon was going." He prayed like crazy that Heath was catching up with that wagon eve as he spoke.

Victoria, who was feeling more than guilty for consenting to let Nick be taken from the house, stood up from the couch and walked over to the window. 'Oh Nick, where are you?' She asked silently as she stopped in front of the window and looked out.

"Heath will find him, mother, I know he will." Audra, who had also been sitting on the couch, hurried to her mother's side.

While his sister comforted their mother, Eugene looked at Jarrod and offered to do what he could. "I'm not due back to Berkley for another week. I could ride around and ask questions."

Jarrod would have told Eugene that it wasn't necessary, but he figured the young man needed to do something to feel useful. "Fine, but stick to the main roads. We don't need you to go missing too." He was sure none of them could handle that one on top of the current situation.

"All right," Eugene hurried out of the room and out the front door, leaving the rest of the family hoping and praying they'd hear something soon.

**]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]**

Heath was glad the harsh wind had turned mellowed out and was simply blowing a notch above a breeze. The ground was still quite wet. Just as Heath was getting ready to take a short cut to the next town, he saw a lone rider coming his way. He pulled on Charger's reins and brought his horse to a stop. He hoped whoever the rider was had seen the wagon carrying his brother. The moment the stranger, a black haired gentleman who looked to be around five feet ten with a thin build, stopped his horse Heath began questioning him, explaining what he was looking for.

"I think my brother might be in the wagon." Heath said as he finished talking, and then found himself holding his breath waiting for the man to answer.

Hank Jepson made Heath's day when he nodded and said, "I saw a wagon being driven by an older couple. We exchanged a few words; they were heading to Modesto." He then went on to say how, when he continued his journey, he happened to look back and saw a gentleman sitting inside the covered wagon…and he had dark brown hair and was dressed all in black. "I only passed them, maybe, twenty minutes ago."

"Thanks," Heath gave the stranger a slight nod and headed down the road….only this time he pushed Charger as hard as he could. Heath knew he just had to catch up with that wagon.

Just as Heath was wondering if Mr. Jepson had been mistaken when it came to the length of time he'd stated, a wagon came into his view. His heart began beater faster than Charger's hooves were beating against the brown dirt beneath its hooves. This just had to be the wagon, and Nick just had to be inside.

**]]]]]]**

"Papa," Edith, who had heard the sound of a horse approaching, turned and looked around the corner of the covered wagon, said as she saw Heath approaching, "I think you best stop the wagon. It looks as if we have more company." While Mr. Steffensen stopped the wagon, he automatically put his hand on the rifle that kept next to him at all times. Naturally, both Carl and Edith expected Heath to ride up to them. Needless to say, when he jumped off his horse when he reached the back of the wagon, Carl automatically grabbed his rifle and flew off the wagon. It didn't faze Heath though, he was too busy holding onto the back of the wagon and looking at Nick.

"Sir?" Carl said once he saw the look of great relief on Heath's face as he looked at Nick, who was once again, looking at Heath without a look of fog in his eyes though, there was a look of confusion in them. "Do you know this stranger?"

Did he know him? Heath couldn't help but give the man before him a lop-sided grin. "You say that. Name's Heath and, Nick, he's my brother. I've been looking for him." He didn't figure he needed to hand out any more details than he had too; he then how asked how they, the Steffensens, wound up with Nick.

"We found him." Carl went on to explain why they had chosen to take Nick with them.

"We were going to send out inquiries, sir." Edith, who had climbed down from where she sat and joined her husband, stood straight and tall as she could as she began explaining on what they'd planned on doing.

"I appreciate that, ma'am." Heath nodded. "Just gave me and our brother a scare is all." Once again, Heath saw no reason to spend time explaining he had more than one brother and such. "I need to get him back to the line shack though and get word back to my family." He just hoped Victoria would still let him keep him at the shack after this scare.

Carl wasn't about to object only he was going to speak up after hearing the story Heath had just told him. "Sir, I've had dealings with things like this before." He gave Heath a short version of his brother-in-law plus a couple of men he'd known during the war. "I won't ask what happened to put your brother behind that wall in front of him only you should accept one thing."

"What's that?" Heath asked as he helped Nick out of the back of the wagon and then up onto his horse, not easy without the man's saddle.

"He won't come out from behind it until he's ready. You can't force it." Carl hated saying that only he felt strongly that he should.

Heath sighed. While he figured that, he still hoped that, somehow, he could help his brother decide to make that move. "Thank you for being willing to help him." Heath said as took a hold of Charger's reins and mounted his horse while holding Coco's reins too.

"If you ever go to Modesto," Carl smiled at Heath and gave a sympathetic smile to Nick, "look us up."

"We'll do that." Heath said as he turned the horses around. "Now if you excuse me my family's worried sick right now."

Carl and Edith watched as Heath and Nick rode away, a smile was upon Edith's face for, while Heath hadn't come right out and said it, she knew she didn't have to worry about any hospital committing 'the young man' to their facility. Now, if only his brother could get through to him.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

"We're making progress, mother." Heath, who stood in the center of the billiard room talking to Victoria, Jarrod and his others two siblings, stressed his words as he looked at Nick, who sat near the end of the couch. Heath explained the small things Nick was now doing, including feeding himself. The whole time Heath spoke Nick had his eyes on Heath or Jarrod, mostly Heath though. "Please, don't argue with us taking him back to the line shack. We want to keep trying."

Victoria, who was standing near the bookshelf, could see that Nick had improved slightly as he kept his eyes on either Jarrod or Heath instead of looking at nothing in particular. Still, the stress of the past few hours had her more than unsettled. She didn't want to go through that ordeal again. "You two promise me within an inch of your life that one of you will always have your eyes on him."

"Yes," both Heath and Jarrod promised simultaneously.

The family continued discussing the issue until Nick started to stand up. They all held their breath as Nick turned and walked towards the door. Heath was right behind him. The rest of the family would have followed only Jarrod stopped them. "If we all go chasing after him, how will that help? Though, one of us should go with them."

Victoria hated it only Jarrod was right. "Hurry up then," Victoria pointed towards the doorway Nick and Heath had already walked through. "You'll be half responsible for him when you go back to the shack anyway." Jarrod said nothing as he sprinted out of the room only to return moments later.

"What is it?" Victoria, who was talking with Audra and Eugene, asked with concern in her eyes.

"Nothing's wrong." Jarrod smiled as he walked over to his desk. "Heath and Nick are simply out by the coral, and McColl, along with some of the other men, is out there too."

Out by the coral? Surprise, and hope, filled Victoria's eyes, as it did Audra and Eugene's. If Nick had gone to the coral on his own, he had to be on his way back, or at least they hoped that's what it meant.

**]]]]]]]]]]**

Heath smiled as he leaned against the fence and watched Nick looking at the horse on the other end of the coral. McColl was telling one of the men it was time to break in one of the horses. It felt good to have Nick near the coral again, if only he would speak. However, Heath's smile quickly faded as Nick, who had watched their wrangler climb up on the wild horse, began to fidget and look as if he was beginning to tense up.

"It's all right, Nick." Heath reached up and laid his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Kurt is just going to break in the horse." Kurt was the twenty-five year old, blond haired, wrangler Heath had hired the day before taking Nick up to the line shack. Heath was relieved when Nick relaxed, somewhat, but he still guided his brother away from the coral. Maybe he wouldn't have felt it was necessary only his brother was still rather tense.

As Heath guided Nick back towards the house, he began remembering the ride home. If he'd had any thoughts of giving up and resigning himself to the fact Nick wasn't going to ever speak again, the thoughts had fled during that ride.

"You know, Jarrod's bound to give us both barrels for being gone so long." Heath, who was still very uncomfortable with all the talking he'd been doing the past week, threw a small grin towards Nick and did his best to talk as if everything was normal. "He'll say we're just trying to get out of fixing the rest of that fence near the line shack."

Heath was shocked beyond words as Nick turned his head slightly and spoke with a haunted look in his eyes. "I couldn't fix his fence." He then turned his head forward as the look of one lost in their own world fell over him once more.

Couldn't fix his fence? What on earth was his brother talking about? To say Heath was puzzled would have been an understatement. Though, for the first time since Nick had been attacked by the cougar, Heath knew one thing…there was more than three cougar attacks at work. Only question now was….what was really going on?

As the memory finished playing in his mind, Heath sighed. He knew his mother and siblings would be furious if they knew what he was keeping from them only….until Nick truly came out from behind the wall….Heath's wasn't going to say a thing concerning the words his hot tempered brother had spoken. No, Heath wasn't going to get their hopes up when it came to Nick's speech only to watch them dashed to piece, and he sure wasn't going to make it so they were as confused as he was when it came to what Nick had said. Well, with the exception of Jarrod and it would only be because he, Jarrod, was going to be at the line shack with them. By the time Heath came out of his thoughts, he was guiding Nick through the front door.

When Victoria saw Heath guiding Nick into the house, she had wanted to scream, yell or do something to get her son back to the man he used to be…especially since it looked like going out to the coral had only sent Nick backwards. Heath, who seemed to read her mind, hurried to reassure her that wasn't the case. "I told you before… this type of spell comes and goes now. It's better than before." He led Nick to the living room sofa and then said he was going to pack his things.

Victoria walked over to where Nick sat and, cupping his face in her hands, turned his face upwards. Fighting the tears that wanted to come as he did not act as if he knew she was moving his head or that she was even there, Victoria said quietly, "Where ever you're at son, please hear me. Come back to us."

"_I'm trying mother, I'm trying." _Nick thought as she placed a kiss on his forehead and then walked out of the room.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Heath and Jarrod, who had returned to the shack with Nick, sat at the small brown "kitchen" table as Nick made his way from the sofa to the bed he was using and laid down. Both his brothers sighed as Nick lay staring up at the ceiling. There was nothing for Jarrod and Heath to do but finish eating their supper.

Once they'd eaten their food Jarrod and Heath the two brothers started a game of chess, though they tried to coax Nick back to the table before they did. They had been disappointed, but not surprised, when he refused to budge. However, moments after starting the game both Heath and Jarrod jumped three feet in the air and flew to Nick's side when their brother sat and yell with eyes full of panic, "I'M COMING! HOLD ON! I'M COMING! HOLD ON! NOOOOO!" and then screamed even louder, "HEATH!"

"It's okay, Nick!" Heath grabbed Nick, who was again shaking quite badly.

"It's over, Nick!" Jarrod said, thinking his brother must be reliving the time where he, Nick, had to push Jarrod out of the cougar's path…the one that attacked Nick instead of him. Though, he was confused to why he was yelling 'hold on' and calling out Heath's name instead of his.

Heath would have been thinking along the same lines only he still remembered what Nick had said on the road. After he and Jarrod got Nick to calm down and lie back down, Heath pulled Jarrod off to the side and told him what happened on the road. "Maybe I'm wrong, but I think there's a fourth event that's tied into all this. Though, if that is the case, don't ask me why he was yelling at me to hold on."

Jarrod was shocked and it showed as he stiffened and allowed his chin to drop to the floor. "Another cougar attack?" He finally asked as he looked from Heath to Nick. That idea was hard to fathom as Jarrod would have known about it; after all, you can't hide the effects of a cougar attack.

"Maybe, maybe not, but there's more than just the three cougar attacks. That much I know." Heath said as he walked to a chair that sat near bed. Jarrod excused himself saying he was going outside, as there was still daylight outside. Heath knew that meant that, like it or not, there was still work to do outside. After sitting for fifteen minutes, Heath decided he couldn't just sit there so he stood up to go get a small piece of wood. If he was going to have to stay inside, he might as well whittle on something. However, he hadn't taken two steps when Nick reached up and grabbed his hand, causing Heath to whirl around. The foggy look was gone, but Nick was looking at him with the same haunted look that had been in his eyes the day Jarrod had brought Dr. Merar up. Heath quickly sat down again, hoping Nick would say something that would help him, Heath, get all the pieces of the puzzle and put them together.

"What if something happens to you because you're with me?" Nick said, the sadness in his eyes growing. "What happens if I fail you like I failed Jack? What if I can't fix things?" The moment he finished speaking the fog rolled back in and Nick lay on his back once more.

Heath sat up as shock waves rolled through him. Jack? Who was Jack? Was he a friend of Nick's who had also suffered a cougar attack only to die from it? If that was the case, Heath knew Nick would have done all he could to save him. Also, it made Heath feel rather humbled to think that Nick cared that much about him, especially seeing how things had been between them when he first arrived at the ranch. He leaned forward to assure Nick he could never fail him…even if something happened where he, Nick, could not save Heath's physical life only he never got the chance. Just as Heath opened his mouth he heard Jarrod, who had walked back into the shack intending to only retrieve a tool and then leave, gasp. Heath turned and looked at Jarrod. The man was standing wide-eyed and looked as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water in his face.

"What is it Jarrod? Do you know what he's talking about?" Heath asked.

Slowly Jarrod nodded and swallowed before he answered. "Yes, but it's been years," he paused as a look of one deep in thought and then said, "I never thought it had anything to do with this." Jarrod pointed at Nick trying to grasp the idea that an event from so many years ago was mixing with the three cougar attacks and causing his hot tempered brother his current problem.

Heath didn't like being in the dark especially when it came to his brothers. "Exactly what are you talking about?"

Jarrod walked over to the bed and looked at Nick lying motionless at the bed. "Nick was ten, I was fourteen." He took a deep breath and continued talking. "We had a friend named Jack. He and his parents lived three miles from us. He was twelve. Jack and Nick were as close as Nick and you are today. They were always working with our father or Jack's." Jarrod had never considered 'that event' because Nick had, like everyone else, seemed to moved on after grieving for his lost friend. Okay, it had taken him a bit longer than the rest of the Barkleys, but that was to be expected for Jack was like a brother to Nick. "He was killed on a camping trip his family and ours went on."

Heath looked at Nick. His brother was beginning to get restless. Heath knew he, Heath, needed to hear the story, but feared hearing it at the moment would be too much for Nick. "It's all right, Nick, relax." Heath put his hand on Nick's shoulder and stood up. "Everything's okay. Jarrod and I will be talking right outside." 'Keeping an eye on you through the window,' was a promise Heath made only to himself.

Heath did not budge until Nick settled down and closed his eyes. Once Heath was sure Nick was resting peacefully, he followed Jarrod outside. "Now," Heath said as he looked at Jarrod while he, Heath, stood near the window. "Tell me everything about that camping trip and Jack."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Heath again sat next to Nick, who was still lying on the bed inside the shack and looking up at the ceiling, only this time Heath sat on the edge of the bed. He thought on everything that Jarrod told him. Maybe he was off in left field only he was pretty sure he knew what was going on now. He turned his head when Jarrod opened the door to the shack and stuck his head in. "Are you sure this is necessary? Jack's father's not a young man anymore."

"I never said he had to ride a horse out here. Bring him in a wagon or surrey if you have to. And no, it might not be necessary. You might find yourself giving an old man a ride only to take him home again. I'm going to try to get through to Nick while you're gone." Heath said as he turned his eyes back towards his hot tempered brother as Jarrod shook his head and left, shutting the door behind him.

At first Heath said nothing, he simply sat looking at the brother whom, over time, he had formed a bond with so strong it would amaze many people. His mind ran back to a portion of the conversation he'd first had with Nick on the swinging bridge.

_"__Afternoon,__"__"__Afternoon,__"__"__Quite a pony you got there.__"__"__Yeah, she__'__s a runner.__"__"__Indian?__"__"__Modoc,__"__"__Oh they breed __'__em right up there,__"__ "__'__cept for one thing.__"__"__What__'__s that?__"__"__They don__'__t know how to back up._

Heath needed that brother back, he needed his brother to help him chase their dreams, maybe even catch a few. Feeling that way, Heath began talking to his brother in earnest. "Nick, listen to me," Heath turned Nick's face to him. He was relieved to see the glazed look that was so often in his brother's eyes, gone…even if a haunted one was still there. "Jarrod told me about Jack. He told me how close the two of you were and how the two of you were playing around acting like ranchers and 'building' everything from 'stables' to 'mending fences'." Heath paused as he could see Nick tensing up and the haunted look growing. When Nick started to turn his head away, Heath forced it back. "Nick, listen to me!" Heath, desperate to keep Nick's attention on him spoke even more earnestly. "Jarrod said Jack drowned after he started walking on a tree that had fallen was partially hanging over a cliff near a river. He said Jack slipped, fell and grabbed onto the tree in an attempt to pull himself back up. Jarrod said that you tried to get to your friend, but that Jack couldn't hold on and slipped." Heath took another deep breath and then said, "I know you're blaming yourself for not getting to him in time. It's not your fault; it never was!" Heath closed his eyes and took a deep breath. After a couple of minutes, Heath went on to say he also knew Nick would always do his best to protect anyone he considered family. "I know all of that, Nick." Heath paused again, sure he was setting a record for all the talking he was doing. When he caught his breath, Heath spoke again. "Only, Nick, I don't know how the cougar attacks have brought it all back to you or how they have brought this condition of yours on. I need you to talk to me! I need you to tell me what's going on in that head of yours!"

Nick heard his brother's words, felt the urgency in them and had a flood of memories come rushing back to him. Among them were some of the things that had been said.

_"As hard as it is to lose Jack," Mr. Pendleton stood in the Barkley's living room, "I can't help but thank the Lord that Nick didn't get to Jack before he fell. I'm sure he was going to try to save Jack and, I fear, he would only have lost his life as well. I mean, Nick's only ten. He wouldn't have the strength to help him."_

_"You're lucky, he's alive, Jarrod." Nick heard Dr. Merar, who thought his patience was still unconscious, "That cougar sure did a number on him."_

_ "I know, that's the second attack he's been through." _

"_Sorry, Nick," Nick heard Dr. Merar apologize after wrapping his ribs yet again for a third time._

"I should have able to help him that day, or maybe even been the one to die that day. We were both playing around on that tree. We were talking back and forth just like you and I were doing before we found that dead cow. We both slipped, but I slipped on a part that was on the ground so I only hit dirt." Tears began flowing down Nick's cheeks. "I should have died many times!" Nick said just as Heath, who had started to stand up after sitting in silence for a solid thirty minutes, started to stand up. His brother's words had him sitting right back down. Nick, with no glaze or haunted look in his eyes, though they were filled with sincere pain asked, "Why do I continue to beat the odds while Jack died? He was like a brother to me. What happens," he choked up for moment then asked as he kept his eyes on Heath, "what happens if I ever lost another brother because I can't help him?"

Heath felt his heart go out to his brother as he, Heath, knew all too well the guilt that a survivor of any tragedy could carry with them. Hadn't he experienced it more than once, especially during the Civil War, in the prison camp and after it was all over? "Then you hold onto the good memories and onto those you still have." Heath clasped Nick's hands in his. "And you don't beat yourself up or hide from life just because you survived."

Nick, whose tears had finally slowed down, sat up slowly and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, keeping his head bowed. He thought about Jack's drowning, the cougar attacks and all that Heath had said. "How long have I been out of it?" He finally asked Heath as he lifted his head and looked around the shack.

"A solid seven weeks," Heath answered as he gave Nick a small crooked smile. "I was beginning to think I was going to have to work the ranch by myself from now on."

Nick shook his head slowly. Seven weeks, he could hardly believe that one; still, Heath was as trustworthy as they came. If he said that much time had passed, then that was the case. "No, you won't have to do that." He sighed. "Just give me a one more day and I'll be out there."

"You got it," Heath clasped his brother's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "It will good to have you back."

**EPILOGUE**

Nick stood on the porch, his eyes on the coral, his mind on the past week and how good it felt to be back in the saddle. More importantly it felt great to know his family had stood by him while his mind was "on vacation" as Silas had put it when Heath and he had returned from the line shack with Jarrod and Jack's father (they'd arrived an hour after Nick had snapped out of it).

Nick had to let out a small chuckle as he remembered his late friend's father saying _"Sure glad you're brother got through to you. I'd hated to have a hammer on that thick skull of yours!"_ The man had gone on to say there was no reason for Nick to feel guilty about surviving. _"We don't go until our time, boy. That's all there is to it."_

"Nick?" Victoria's voice brought him out of thoughts, and Nick turned to smile at his mother who had walked up behind him. He could see the concern in her eyes, probably because he'd been standing in the same place for a solid hour.

"I'm fine." Nick smiled at her and then back at the cora. "In fact, I've never felt better."

Victoria looked at Nick and then at Heath, who had just walked up to the coral, and smiled wide.


End file.
